“…I am all,that I need,I am smart about who I let in to my life…… I have observed a cruel, senseless evil among relationships that tugged at my soul and left me reeling with contempt.
It is a cruel dynamic among intertribal relationships that left me high strung and ready to dismiss a perfect union among female and male species. This has been confined to the concrete jungle of Johannesburg so I do not know if my sisters in other cities of the world can relate.
Men come from rural or peri-urban towns to the city of Jozi to work, armed with vague ideas of what city-life is like but with a cunning disillusioned desire to prove to their counterparts back at home that they will be making it against all odds.
They are the non-verbal obliging workers at their places of work and they allow themselves to be abused by their seniors with no retaliation and with no qualms, but when they reach their homes or their places of social interactions, the dynamics shift a hundred-fold.
They impose the same cruelty shown to them by their bosses to their female counterparts, especially their lovers/partners .This young man meets this zesty young lady who is beeming with radiance and a bright future, with an intelligent resourceful mind but the man sees that as a threat to his uncultured ego.
He would not want his egoistic intelligence to be doubted and questioned so he becomes emotionally abusive to her. Firstly he would not want to be in the company of her ”mature” friends because he knows they will see right through his “protective” persona so he discourages her from any social interactions that involve him being in their presence.
He starts calling her randomly at wee hours of the morning just to verify that she is alone. He wants to move in with her in her place just until “….the builders finish fixing the bathroom tiles…” in his apartment. He does all this because he wants to move closer, have more control over her,because he wants to control what he does not understand, wants to break down what seems bigger than him.
He wants to assert his presence squarely on her that whatever good education she must have had,the fact that she is his girlfriend,means she is a lesser being than him “…she better know who is the man!...”It gives him a false sense of bravado that he can be the loyal worker to his boss but at home,he reverses the order.
It becomes more complex,when he starts implying that”…the way your tribe does things is stupid…you have no sense of direction...”A lot of young women who are not emotionally balanced or lack emotional intelligence are stayin in such abusive relationships because they have slowly started to believe less of themselves,not surprising because they are chirped away everyday until their cores have given away for this evil to manifest.
Sisters ,the healing starts with believing that other people’s perception about you is not your reality.You are all that you need,and anyone who should want to take that away from you,is not worth your time.
We need to start to reverse the order of abuse so that we can be an emotionally sound nation. “…I am all,that I need,I am smart about who I let into my life……”
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